Wednesday, June 26, 2002
My Aleutian bride,
A study in the ways to manufacture
A life more alluring,
More temperate and fair
Your golden jet black hair
To hang damp across your back sideways,
There, there’s no way to move the sunny silence that stills
With the air in your throat
As you swallow the soft feather words and choke
luxuriantly
And blind.
And if the crow flies over your islands love
Its not in a straight line
No
Your oscillating temperature,
An upswell of ground to find
The earth beneath your feet and proud,
Pulling you down
By ankles
So I’m the queen of silences
Well I've got one for you
Youre the king of inertia
A mathematical conclusion,
You’d like that one,
A simple foregone resolution,
They're kind of the same
But if you ask me by name
I’ll say that you haven’t got one.
I’d say that you haven’t got one.
so fine, there it is, kickin in
raging at you now
A silent inner exercise,
After all,
The coronation went well and I wear it with style,
that title you settled on my forehead,
sinkin down to cover my eyes now
I may never quite forgive you
For telling me you cared.
What is this thing that moves me up and to the keyboard, to medicine, when I'd be so content to be pressed here, down by an equal and opposite force?
We all get it, we all understand the thing that makes you lie down under it like under the wheels of a merciful machine;
But I have no name for what propels me to move limbs and try to climb out of bed and into waking life.
How fascinating our will to go on, how nameless a force, that trope towards the next daylight, how silent an owner,
so stealthy it takes me creeping like a rapist.
The will to live, I think, though,
is still a cruel mistress,
no kinder than death.
I’d like to have no owner at all,
my head all to my own
to lean my life which way I wish.
Teetering tottering across the room
I don’t mind it in this case cos
Im alone and lovely its all so good yeah,
Its all so richly divine
Me in my own world in a word all my makin
I am off on a tangent
A strange and weird angle
Propelled by fleeting feelin,
A sensation, a moment
Distraction from where my itty bitty center
Lies like dry lovely leaves
So pretty
So quick to float away
So goddamn fucking fickle
posted at 2:30 PM
Monday, June 17, 2002
my little bright and dark girl
is there a word in the dictionary
for you
posted at 12:12 PM
spinnin your wheels so fast
look like they're
not moving at all
posted at 12:12 PM
Wednesday, June 12, 2002
hereafters have not been chosen
the flame will find the oxygen
no sentence yet decided,
just a wide swing tremolo
-son volt.
posted at 5:11 PM
feelin
a bit like a scared shot,
a deer backin off back into the bramble,
send it up like a flare into the night sky over these woods,
imperial violet with your golden glare skittering an arcing armature sideways there--
slanting my face into white-lit illumination,
throwin shadows around.
i'm afraid of everything.
posted at 1:12 PM
Tuesday, June 11, 2002
yeah, that jam in the low back,
the base of spine
a spire and quick tighten,
a snag to catch on,
quick and tripping,
and i grit my teeth and grin,
reminding me that death's got my number
maybe not so much as others
but more than some,
reminding me to claw through each day like a metal folding chair
slammed square to the jaw and hard
sending the hours spinning.
posted at 4:55 PM
amazing lyrics:
...and i used to be kinda weird about this,
a fear of dependence on a guilty gilt-edged
hedged transcendence that makes us liars
and tense when we look down and realize
that nothing really suspends us--
but it was never just another saturday night,
not with you in attendance
and faces slide by in glowing shadows
like snowbound ghosts that go up and
down in epileptic shivers and negative
radioactive slivers in a landscape of
endless gold glitter and a taste in my
mouth so sweet, yet so bitter--and we
exhaust ourselves trying to get there
so in the end, whatever, we die, we
dissolve, equations unbalanced, riddles
unsolved, and we were never connected
or involved except for the intersections
and crazy mathematics with no time
and no space and no schedule and no
place--and we pass right through it
without a trace
and sometimes the music drifts
through my car on a spring night when
anything is possible and i close my eyes
and i nod my head and i wonder how
you been and i count to a hundred and
ten because you'll alwaye be my hero,
even if i never see you again
-dismemberment plan.
posted at 3:39 PM
and you're so damn eager
for me
to hand all the blame
over
well I'm tellin you
it's mine
and you can't have it
posted at 12:01 PM
Sunday, June 09, 2002
and realizing,
realizing
no one's quite on my side here
no one's quite got my back
so i'm off and hittin the road, yes
if no one's quite for me then i'm not for no one
a highway one to take me home
i'll look up those starry eyed ladies
came before me riding their bloomin horses
harder and faster than me
you gals better get some answers
wedged in your mouths
for me,
'cos it's your biology
i got runnin in my hot red veins
you girls have found your old-town homes and i
i need some middling coffee
and your seaside restaurant
to set me straight.
posted at 7:13 PM
Saturday, June 08, 2002
so high
its hurting
so wide
the line is drawn
i gotta learn to
stop myself from falling
down so low
-catherine wheel.
posted at 11:54 PM
Friday, June 07, 2002
If you
were a building
you would have
no doors
posted at 8:57 PM
i've baited the fucker before but i tell you
i tell you
never tell god
to rain it on down.
posted at 8:57 PM
was few months ago
collected the blood like a hummingbird bent on the macabre
random head wound
open cupboard door
head wounds bleed incessantly
and hurt very little
went on for fortyfive minutes
wouldnt stop
and after a while seemed a waste to send it all down the drain
after all,
it's me.
cast a spell
didn't know how
only read a book
that dont teach you nothing
about how to do it right
bad juju here
kept in a bowl
three days
went by
did stuff
to make it stronger
bind its fingers round my neck
and sowed an apple tree in it
the seeds went for three weeks.
then they died.
i kept them a while to reassure myself it hadnt all been in vain
but they were dead and dead and not bringin back
so i threw em away
'cos its bad to keep things
when they remind you of dying
something went wrong i think
i think something went wrong
the paths gotten twisted since
there are bad things in nature
there are bad things in nature
dear god in heaven
cant see my feet to walk well
posted at 5:21 PM
i cant believe
how it sums up,
over and over and over another
and me buried under it all so long
i am become it, the way
the dead dissolve into the earth
at six feet down...
wasnt ready for this, i tell you
was barely over the thing three years ago,
then not done with the thing three months ago,
and now this
now this
i tell you, the hurt
piles up like bologna in a dagwood sandwich
and if that metaphor aint good enough for you,
i'll just say as you dig deeper, the strata
you see the layers of ash from when the earth was razed
the explosions, the cataclysms, extinctions
you get higher up and begin to see
the dead themselves,
bones and teeth there, frozen
and i walk the earth
pretending there is nothing
truly horrible hidden
beneath my feet
posted at 5:14 PM
Monday, June 03, 2002
a lite n bitter ring on the tip of the tongue,
thinkin what i could have been
could've become
a cruel covetousness,
wanting what i want when i want it,
all i ever wanted
was what i want when i want it
so tell me now
how the story twines its little threads out,
hows it gonna end
all i ever asked for was the aforementioned
so come on god
rain it on down
rain it on down
posted at 11:40 AM
Sunday, June 02, 2002
and hey
hey
I'm gettin better
cleaning out behind doors
so I can open em all the way
that isn't some sort of metaphor
goddamn it this is real.
my fung shui
of red blisters banged into doorjambs
gone long with inattention
now open to blood flowers
the way I unfold.
like a book
like a book
like the openfaced pages of a book
posted at 11:19 PM
the feeling of glass on your veins
a shattered protectorate,
a glowing sort of rapid
dismemberment
and then I'm gone
I'm out of here.
traveled too long in packs
made of my own unfoldings in funhouse mirrors
we ran paths
dug low in ground with overpassages
too often
and too deep
posted at 11:15 PM
the way the fish school,
amass in hundreds turn and shiver silver spikes down your spine
this way and that,
a wavering indecision
and our sonar sees them
big on the depth charge
a single creature
leagues wide
posted at 11:12 PM
wish you were here
wish you were here
the roads are good
and the weather is nice
oh yes
posted at 11:10 PM
you are
sunshine
you are goddamned brilliant
warm and golden
honey sunshine
and me,
I'm a snowflake
keep me in yr freezer
your hands too warm to touch
posted at 11:08 PM
Tying you to my ankles
You’re the sexiest cinderblock
I ever did see
posted at 9:15 PM
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